my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well you can't waste a boner
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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