Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
