I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
