she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
