im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
