I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
