Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
