i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
