You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
