You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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