Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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