i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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