You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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