have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
