Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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