I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
