You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
