Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
