Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
