Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
