Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
