Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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