Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
