if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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