I hate all girls vehemently.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
