if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
