dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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