I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
