I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
