I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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