Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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