I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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