Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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