So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
