when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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