I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize