Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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