Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
