the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
