dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
