remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
