He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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