I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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