My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
