He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
