If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's never too late to be topless.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
