Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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