omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were trust falling into bushes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
