We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
