I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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