I want to walk on stilts...naked
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
