Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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