We won't sleep together?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
