I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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