I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
