it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
