i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
