my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
