Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize