Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
