ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
