The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
