bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
