are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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