She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
