She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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