where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
