ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
