I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
