Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
