did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
