Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
