Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
