the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
