2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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