you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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