Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
