Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
