Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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