so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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